maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
