I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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