we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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