I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
