No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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