Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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