I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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