My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
