It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
