Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
