and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
