I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're a waste of cheezeits
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
