UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
