She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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