If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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