I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
