Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
