i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
