you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
