the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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