I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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