but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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