Im at strip club and am horny
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
