I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
