I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
