i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.