lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.