out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.