I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night