He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs