So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..