I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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