I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
