And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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