sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
