living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
