I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
