Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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