we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
