You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
