oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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