Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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