We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
