Say something about gay babies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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