That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize