It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
