It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
