Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
