I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
