i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
