I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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