It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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