I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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