We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
