my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
