everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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