I hate your face
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
