Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
