ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
