Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
