i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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