We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
40s are totally the cure
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
