This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
