We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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