Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
