Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
