$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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