we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
