4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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