cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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