Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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