i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
