im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
